I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
