Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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