Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize