What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
