Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
