If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I did not marry a roomba.
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