If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize