you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
