New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
