Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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