It's Friday. Sex?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
