Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
