there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We are two peas in an std pod
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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