i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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