Whatcha textin bout Willis?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
