My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dick very happy bro
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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