Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
