The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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