i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
