I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
