I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
