Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
