She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
