Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
