drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
