im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
