God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He better not be in your backpack
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
They have beer where we have blood.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
