You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm too high and old for this...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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