Your tits are I can't wait for
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
