i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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