so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
