ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize