I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
