Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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