dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Text me some of your sweat
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
