I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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