I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
