I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize