3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
