i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
