what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize