I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
