just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
