At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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