Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
