In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
