have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
