Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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