If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
