So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
