the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
