i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize