How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
