You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
