brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
