Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
