I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
