he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
