i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
