Will you blow on my dice?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
