i think i have two assholes
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
