Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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