Nicole vs. Life
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
