sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
