For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
