Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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