she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
