I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize