i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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