He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
