she was so not down for the gang bang
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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