you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
