hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
