I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize