I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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