She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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