she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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