Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
