why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
