I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm passing your future prison.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize