Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
